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What this module is about | soundfile
What this module is about | text

Now that you have grounded and balanced yourself well and know how to be separate from everyone else, it is time for you to dig a little deeper into you, into your Self.

Making powerful choices that are appropriate for your unique self is often thwarted by feelings of insecurity and doubt. You can go back and forth on decisions for years, up and down and in a circle, and that’s how, in a way, you stand still. This does not only happen with important life decisions, such as whether or not you will get married or move abroad. It can also happen, perhaps more often, in everyday life, with choices you make with your own behavior or reactions to others and situations.

Going round and round or ‘being stuck’ like that is super tiring. You may sense that things can be done differently, but you don’t know how. You may feel frustration, guilt, anger, resignation – we have all been there. And going around in circles certainly doesn’t get you where you want to be at all. So, I am happy to cover exactly this theme in this module.

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GOALS OF THIS MODULE

• You know how the learning process works (and you can always find where you’re at in it)

• You know how to keep your own goals clear in your mind despite the influence of everything around you

• You know how to make powerful, unique choices that are right for you

• You are much more able to move forward into the future you dream for yourself and the ones you love

• You are able to get to your dream faster

There are a number of things to consider in order to properly deal with feelings of insecurity and doubt and eventually even heal what causes them. We will start with three of these things, which will be outlined below and further explained throughout the module. You will notice that all three parts described below require constant attention. Along the way of my own journey, I discovered that freedom is directly related to the ability to properly analyze and work with these topics within yourself, instead of having them work against you. This approach will give you enormous space and peace, and practice will only increase that space and peace. It is most effective to look at the topics within yourself in the order given, because understanding one will help you understand the next. But once you’ve gotten to know all three, you can just use what you need in the moment.

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1. LOOK WHO’S TALKING

With feelings of doubt and insecurity, of unrest and discomfort, it is extremely important to know WHO is actually in doubt. Who is insecure, feels restless and is uncomfortable? You might think, ‘What do you mean, who? It is me, myself, right?’ Ah, yes. But that’s just not entirely true. There is more to it. Because the restless insecure voices within yourself are often the voices from the past: belonging to a ‘you’ that once was. You once felt this way, when you were younger, more powerless, less aware. Smaller, less safe and more anxious, perhaps. The fact that you still hear those voices and sometimes feel them very strongly does not mean that you are still like that NOW. And in this part, you learn to recognize, acknowledge, and deal with those voices inside of you in a way that does justice to you, right now.

Doing justice to you does not mean suppressing or silencing. Suppression never works in the long term. When you silence parts of yourself, those parts of your system stay alive and well, sending their messages of fear, insecurity, anger and sadness. Even when the parts of you that speak were repressed a long time ago. And in the here and now you will feel insecure, doubtful and restless once more when those parts get triggered. Suppression is pointless in shaping your true life: your reality will reflect back at you what is ‘true’ in your entire vibration, and not just what you present outwards, or what you wish were true.

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2. CLIMBING THE MOUNTAIN

Another piece of the puzzle is knowledge about the learning process. I have often noticed that many people simply do not know how learning works. This creates unrealistic expectations, frustrations and disappointments, and that in turn causes restlessness and gives free rein to those voices of uncertainty and doubt.

Knowing the stages of the learning process, being able to examine in yourself where you are and where you are going, having adult and realistic expectations about the process itself – all of this helps you tremendously to be able to follow your ‘self’ and to not give up. These are the most important skills for when you want to shape your life, actively and directly, in your own way. And you need these skills because everything inside of you that (still) believes in limitations will come knocking at your door in panic as soon as you spread your wings. The consensus will rear its head and try to pull you back – just because that’s what it does, remember?

Importantly, do not confuse these skills with what the consensus calls ‘realistic’ or ‘mature’ expectations. Because that’s about the dream itself, about what you can and cannot achieve, with all the limitations of the consensus imprinted into it.

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3. YOUR FUTURE SELF

The third part is working with your future self. We are all trained in thinking that we are the result of our pasts. That means, if you had a hard time in your past, if you suffered, if you spent time feeling powerless and full of doubt and uncertainty, if you come from places of lack and failure, unhappiness and pain, even physical pain, then you’re heading toward a future with more difficulty. Or at least with the struggle to escape it. And who would want to go there? Of course you are reluctant to go to a future without hope, with just more of the same, or to one that is just a little better at the most.

That is why, in this module, you will connect with a happy future full of light, love, fun and ease. Because despite your training and everything you have learned, your reality is NOT the result of your past, but of the experience of the future you choose. And so we’ll make sure that experience is a really good one! So that you can lead from the helm of your ship with confidence, with a clear view, and with focus and decisiveness. Knowing that you are headed to somewhere wonderful.

From your well-grounded self that is completely balanced, separate from all other people, we will now go inside and look at who you were, who you are, and where you want to go. And what you would like to experience there.

Look who’s talking |part 1

About Look who's talking | soundfile
About Look who's talking | text

As you saw in the introduction to this module, feelings of insecurity and doubt do not really come from ‘yourself,’ as in: you, here and now. They are the voices of the parts in you that are, for example, still unfulfilled, unloved, afraid or angry.

One may be the voice of the frightened child who feels overwhelmed by all that is expected. Or that of the bitter teenager who wants to belong but does not know how. Or that of the disillusioned young adult, who wants all of its efforts to be seen as it works hard and tries to do very well.

There are many variations to this theme, and you are going to look within yourself at your own themes, but let me start with the basics of the voices and how they came to be, in the simplest way possible. To do this, I will first take you to three of the four development phases: child, adolescent and young adult. The fourth development phase is ‘the adult,’ and it will be discussed at the end.

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Needs

The child‘s need is safety. A child would rather be safe than to be his- or herself and it is constantly adapting to please, always looking for ways to guarantee that safety.

The adolescent wants to be accepted and included and is willing to go very far to achieve that. This includes totally abandoning itself, which we have all done and experienced. The adolescent has the utmost need for Belonging. If an adolescent cannot belong and is not accepted, it will harbor a grudge about that and rebel, for example through the ‘Ivory Tower’ strategy or the ‘Rebel’ strategy. Both strategies can be devastatingly alienating.

The young adult wants to reach goals and achieve and be appreciated for it, and can go on and push itself relentlessly without limits. Unfortunately often until it eventually drops.

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Issues

Issues of the child are about the fear of being unsafe, and unsafety itself. It thinks: ‘I can’t just do everything my inquiring, curious mind tells me, I have to pay attention to be safe’.

The adolescent‘s issues are about the fear of being visible. It thinks: I can’t show myself as I really am – I have to show myself as is generally accepted and popular, or at least I have to behave in such a way that I belong.’

Issues of the young adult include the fear of not doing well enough, not being seen in all its efforts and endeavors and not getting the right reward.

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Comparing with and looking up to

A child looks at the adults around him/her and is guided by what it sees, because that is of course the safest.

Adolescents look at their peers and let themselves be guided by what they see: what is acceptable? What isn’t? What is proper? What is seen as funny or cute? Letting themselves be guided by these things ensures them the most acceptance and the greatest sense of belonging.

Young adults look at the world and let themselves be guided by their boss, their manager, their views on, for example, politics or sports, or by that which earns them the most appreciation.

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Giving power to

So consequently, the child gives its power to the adults around it, the adolescent to peers and the young adult to its boss, society, the world.

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(Self-) Worth

What defines and gives value to a child is: What do I have. That is why a child can be so happy it receives a gift, even if it is something very small, such as a toy at the dentist. And this is also why a child can be completely devastated when such a toy breaks, or when a balloon bursts.

For an adolescent it is: Who do I know and who knows me. Being associated with the right people, being friends with the right people, belonging to the right group – it’s all vital for the adolescent.

For a young adult it is: What am I doing. ‘Look at me,’ says the young adult, ‘demonstrating and fighting for world peace,’ for example. Or, ‘Watch me do this hugely important job’.

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Qualities

A child has the quality of being able to be completely absorbed in something. And that of curiosity, of looking at the world in full amazement and of experiencing and radiating pure pleasure. A child has the capacity to focus intensely and not be distracted and the ability to be completely in the NOW.

An adolescent has qualities such as adventurousness, exploring (and crossing) boundaries, thinking outside the box, the desire to research and discover. And of daring to be critical, to questioning, and to denounce.

And a young adult has vision, has the ability to dream a better world, a better life, to see possibilities and options and ways, and is a creator and visionary.

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You as the adult

After you have been a child, adolescent and young adult, you are an adult. And as an adult, you have a lot inside of you. There are: •  Those parts of you that were unsafe, unseen, unheard, unfulfilled and in pain as a child, as an adolescent and as a young adult

•  The qualities of your child, your adolescent and your young adult

•  The experience, the wisdom, the ability, the resources, the support and the knowledge to:

– Yet fulfill your unfulfilled parts and
– Train yourself in the qualities of your child / adolescent / young adult, adjust them to your needs and make them work for you

Your adult sees it like this: ‘That which gives me (self-) worth and defines me is: Who am I.’ And as an adult, you only ever give your power away to the unfulfilled parts within you. After all, you are an adult – you can totally determine what you do, how you do it, when you do it and from which position you do it. Nothing outside of you has to be leading in this.

The main task of you as an adult is therefore: to take full responsibility for everything you are and to clean up all the shit you have created and have taken on during your development, from a place of love for yourself, and to receive all this physical plane reality has to offer.

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The relationship between all those parts within you and your feelings of insecurity and doubt

As you may understand, all parts that have been discussed let themselves be known regularly. And why not? They are a part of you, alive and well. And this is putting it mildly – for many of us, they speak ALL THE TIME. They can all talk at the same time, just about anything. You may have learned to master these thoughts, for example, through meditation aimed at this, such as Buddhist meditation. That way, you can silence your voices, but that doesn’t mean they are gone. We’ve talked about repression before, and how that is meaningless in the long run. If you really want to be free, something else is needed.

If you have the desire to have an experience a great life for yourself, the life that you feel is your true life, as an adult, you cannot do so when your child, adolescent or young adult is at the helm of your ship. After all, they do not have the experience, wisdom, capabilities, resources, support, knowledge and skills to make choices that are appropriate for your this desire. In fact, they want the opposite. Only the adult defines itself by who he or she is, only the adult is able to make choices that support who he or she is. All the others define themselves by something outside of themselves, as we just saw.

So, when you are insecure or in doubt, it is vital to put the adult back in the driving seat and heal the parts inside of you that are in pain. This is what freedom is: you can be the loving and caring parent of your inner child, giving it all the safety it needs. You can be the perfect and reliable best friend to your inner adolescent, making it feel it belongs and is important. And you can be the supporter and cheerleader for your inner young adult, fulfilling that need to be seen and heard, acknowledged and praised. You can be all this to those, who missed all of that so much when they grew up.

Remember, no one gets enough love and security, belonging and reliability, recognition and appreciation when they grow up. It’s simply impossible. This may make it easier for you to accept that you didn’t get enough either. And your kids won’t get it either. Why would that make it easier? Well, because now you can stop being a victim, which is always the child, the adolescent, or the young adult, and you can start being responsible, which is always the adult.

It is said, ‘With great power comes great responsibility’. But it’s the other way around. With responsibility comes enormous power. Power over your Self, your situation, your future, your emotions and your feelings. When you are in your adult self, you have tremendous power and strength to make unique and true choices for you and live your life the way you want to.

Only when you give that strength and power away, say to your child, adolescent or young adult, when you let them have the wheel, and you become insecure and indecisive, will your reality confirm that powerlessness. Not to bully or punish you. But to point out that you are giving away your power, that you are not free somewhere inside of you, though you want to, really want to, be. And of course you want to be. After all, you are Divine by nature. Totally powerful. With total strength.

Every time you feel your mind spinning, when you go back and forth and up and down like with a pinball machine, your adult is not at the wheel. When you feel confident and relaxed, safe and stable, when you just know what’s good for you, and you are confident that you’ll figure out what to do no matter what, then your adult is indeed at the wheel. You feel in flow. Magical things are happening in your life. Everything just goes well, without effort. That is the difference between being guided by your Pinball Mind, and by your Intuition.

It’s super important to realize that these voices in your head are not out to hurt you or ‘out to get you’. The parts that speak with these voices are simply not equipped to deal with difficult situations, in a way that suits you as an adult. They did a great job, in their time, with what they had available to them. You survived it all, right? Yet, they feel still responsible for keeping you safe, away from danger. And even if they are sometimes terrified, they still want to help. They love you that much. They are completely unaware that you are now an adult and don’t need them. So you will have to let them know.

Let’s do that. Let’s give love and safety to the parts of you that need it. Let’s now fulfill that which is unfulfilled. Let’s bring your Pinball Mind to rest and into love and light, so that you can be free and fly.

Worksheet | 2

Here you will find worksheets 2 and 3.

They pay attention to your youth, your puberty and the period in which you were a young adult. Take a little trip down memory lane, even if your past wasn’t very fun. Heal the unfulfilled pieces in you and come into your power as an adult!
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OPEN THE WORKSHEET

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Worksheet | 3
Love and safety | soundfile

Look who’s talking |part 2

It would be good to continue to work with the voices in you. And to listen to the soundfile if you haven’t had time for it yet. This is a pretty tricky subject and it really helps to practice a lot!

It can be a rather painful theme to deal with. For example, it can be very confronting and difficult to acknowledge what is happening inside of you. Know that you’re very brave for doing this and also know that you will feel a lot better when you can recognize your voices and heal them. Fulfilling what has been missed is one of the quickest paths to greater happiness and more relaxation.

Worksheet | 4

This worksheet is about your intuition and how you can get (on a deeper level) in touch with it. And how you can find ways to rely on and work with it more and more, which is very useful and pleasant in your daily life!
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OPEN THE WORKSHEET

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Accessing your intuition | text

Access your intuition in an easy way

In fact, this way is so easy I sometimes forget that not everyone does it!

Sit down and close your eyes.
Hold your hands slightly in front of you, palms open and facing up.
Now imagine in your hands two choices you have to make in your life, one choice per hand. If you have to choose between more, start with two.

Look with closed eyes, in your mind’s eye, at the choices in your hands. The choice that is right for you will become lighter and more sharp and will float upwards. The choice that will not work so well will become a bit blurry and dark and float downward.

If you have to choose between more than two items, take the lightest one from round 1 and continue with a new one.

Practice anytime you can, even if it’s about something silly or unimportant. You will keep getting better at it! There will come a point when you don’t have to sit down and keep your hands up, you’ll just ‘see’ the whole thing in your mind’s eye.

Climbing the mountain | part 1

About Climbing the mountain | soundfile
About Climbing the mountain | text

As you saw at the start of this module, an important piece of the puzzle in dealing with uncertainty and doubt is knowledge about the learning process. Many people do not know how the learning process works, and this leads to unrealistic expectations and disappointment. And for a lot of people, this leads to impotent rage. As a child you are trained to believe that if you cannot do something, you are doing it ‘wrong’. Your effort is judged negatively. It is much less common to have learned and to know and feel within yourself that learning actually consists almost entirely of failure and that ‘not doing it right’ is very normal and natural in every process. At a young age, you learned to be quickly disappointed when you could not do something ‘right’, by which I mean: what you would be able to do AFTER the learning process. And if you are gifted, then, more than others, you likely felt shame and disappointment.

In this section you will be taken step by step through the learning process. It is simple, enlightening and it will make you less insecure: you will be able to see where you are and where you are going. I call it ‘Climbing the Mountain’.

At the beginning of every learning process, there is a sort of mountain that consists of everything lying in front of you. Everything you need to do, to read and to learn. Everything you need to listen to, everything you need to practice, everyone you need to talk to, all the things to consider, and so on.

You stand there, at the base of this mountain, ready to begin. Or maybe you stand back a bit, with leaden feet. Or you can’t wait – you’re really looking forward to it! And sometimes you don’t have a clear picture of that mountain – it is an undefined blob, and you only see some sort of path that leads up to it.

But you start to climb, so you must want to master whatever it is that this mountain entails. There you go.

You carry a backpack with you, filled with your stuff. Is it heavy? That’s possible. What do you take with you when you learn something new? Old fears? Resentment? Old resistance? All of this, of course, makes it harder and harder for you to climb. There can also be helpful things such as useful techniques, effective strategies and experiences of previous success.

In the beginning things usually go pretty smoothly. It’s not bad, on this mountain! You use what’s in your backpack to map out your route. You don’t take a straight way up – you know how mountaineers climb. They go in hairpin turns left and right, always looking for the best place to put their feet. And they go where the view is best!

But after a while you feel your legs. You are getting tired. You want to stop. You don’t like the view right now. You don’t like your strategies anymore, or the other things that were helpful, either. You don’t think they are effective anymore. You look at the top of the mountain and think, ‘I wish I never started.’ You look down and think, ‘I want to go down. Going down is easy.’

Now is the time to be told: It is not easier… Think about it. If you go back, sooner or later you will have to start again. With a heavier backpack to carry, which now also contains this experience. This is a good time to realize where you are: at a point in your life where you no longer have control over the situation with your known strategies, techniques and experiences. Well, congratulations. You are learning something new.

You will then have to add new things to your backpack, throw things out while you’re at it, and continue. Go farther than ever before. This process will repeat itself many times before you reach the top of the mountain. And once you are standing there you can feel the sun on your face, which has been shining all this time, and you have a clear view. You can look back and see where you came from – and realize how far and high you have climbed. You can look ahead and see where all of this can lead you. And for a wonderfully great moment, you are at the top.

Of course you will proceed to climb another mountain soon enough. Because you are an ever-learning and growing being. But now with an understanding of the mountain and how to climb it, which will make it easier. With more focus and surefootedness.

Climbing the mountain | poster

Here you will find the image that can help you to climb the mountain. A good tip: print the poster and hang it where you do the exercise, so you can sneak a peak. Its format is A3 (29.7 x 42.0 cm).

 

Worksheet | 5

Worksheet 5 pays attention to the thoughts you have as you climb the mountain.
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OPEN THE WORKSHEET

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Climbing the mountain | part 2

Celebrate! | text

This assignment is separate from your workbook, and it is this:

Celebrate all the mountains you have climbed in your life so far.

Think about everything you have achieved, everything you have learned, all the mountains you have climbed and celebrate it all in a way that is appropriate for you. Maybe you want to eat cake. Maybe you want to snugly lie in bed for a day with tea and biscuits and read a book that you like. Maybe you want to go out and buy yourself something really beautiful.

Do something that warms your heart. Be proud. Accept that you have done so much! Recognize your growth, your process, not only of the recent past but of your entire life.

When you think about it, it’s fantastic, don’t you think? No really, look at all you have learned. Do you realize HOW MUCH that is? From walking and talking to everything you know and who you are. You are the best. Be your own groupie today and love, love, love yourself.

You are amazing, so ...

Your future self | part 1

About Your future self | soundfile
About Your future self | text

You already heard it in the opening of the module: you need to know where you are going.

Contrary to your training and everything you have learned, you are not the result of your past, but of the future you choose.

Think about it. For example, if you want a quiet job and to have a fun, relaxed and cheerful life without making things too difficult, and you don’t want to be outside of consensus at all, you don’t have to have certain experiences to help you clear out certain things from your past. Why would you? But if you want to completely remember who you are, to be free of everything that hinders you, and you want to live your life, in your way, outside of consensus, that choice has consequences. For example, you will have to clear up your limiting beliefs. And learn new patterns in responding to situations. And so your reality, which is always helpful and in service of you, will provide experiences that bring that about.

No choice you make is right or wrong. Each choice simply brings more information, more experience from which you can make a next choice, a new choice. And looking back you will always see: ‘Oh yeah. Well, no wonder that happened. After all, I want to go there, so this had to be revealed. Indeed, I had to leave this behind, let it go, heal it or fulfill it. I had to shift and choose another position, to be able to fathom this.’

What you will get in your future is not half as important as how you feel when you have it. Choosing and dreaming up your future consists of both tangible things (such as properties or possessions) and intangible things (such as emotions and experiences). But the real work lies with the intangibles. Because how you feel is ultimately what you have to deal with every day.

It is important that your dream is being dreamed by you as an adult, with the help of all the positive aspects and qualities of your child, adolescent and young adult. When you dream a future that feeds the powerless, unfulfilled parts of you, it will not lead to that wonderful life you envision, but to more powerlessness. This is easiest to illustrate with an example. Suppose you want a new car. Just to have the sheer pleasure of it. Because you love to look at it, to feel it, and you have an honest and strong desire for it. It suits you, it resonates and it just makes sense. Then this would be a great position from which to choose and to receive. But if you want the same car because it contributes to your selfesteem, as a child would see it, or because you want the same as others so that you belong, as an adolescent would want, or because you want others to look up to you, to admire you, to appreciate you, as a young adult would want, then the message you send out is ‘lack’. You are actually saying that inside, where it counts, you take on the position of you not being good enough. Not complete within yourself. You feel, somewhere, lack of love and security, and think you can fulfill it with something outside of yourself. Your reality will reflect this back to you, point it out to you so that you can heal the unfulfilled part. So you can be ‘whole’, as you planned before you came here.

Of course, it’s easiest to fulfill those unfulfilled parts yourself from within first and choose directly from the adult. It saves a lot of time, effort, hassle and emotion. But that’s not always possible, and that’s okay too. You will find your way to fulfilling and healing and letting go of everything that isn’t truly you, everything that is lacking, everything that is no longer serving you, with the unwavering support and love of your team and your reality. You will find your way to your inner adult.

As you learned with Climbing the Mountain: learning consists for the most part of failure. Only the last part is success, and then you learn something new again. You are ever-changing. Once you embrace that, a burden falls off your shoulders. It never stops, your growth. So you might as well just relax.

In the next process, we connect you to a powerful, happy, radiant future you, who can then pull you towards it, instead of you having to push yourself towards your future. Can you feel the difference? Let’s make this journey as easy as possible for you.

Worksheet | 6

This worksheet addresses the tangibles and intangibles that you would like to see manifested and experience. Happy dreaming! xx
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OPEN THE WORKSHEET

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Your future self | part 2

Today you are going to connect with your happy and bright future You. If you haven’t had time to think about what you want, the tangibles and the intangibles, you can do so now before you listen to the soundfile. You’ll need them!

Your future self | soundfile

Your beautiful, radiant, joyful and happy future… this is one of the most fun things to do! Enjoy.

 

Integration

Did you know?

Really integrating everything you learn is often a forgotten step, but it is so very important. Take your time today. Go outside and hug a tree. Connect with nature. Have something warm and lovely to drink. Put on soft wool socks. Read a book, take a bath. Buy yourself something nice. You went through Module 2!

Hip hip hurrah, radiant light that you are!

With a big hug

Extra material

The Good Girl | webinar

The Rebel | webinar

The Ivory Tower | webinar